Dear Patches,
I think my upstairs neighbor is learning the trombone. I am too shy to knock. I figured someone else would complain. It has been four months.
— Sleepless on Sonnenallee
Dear Sleepless,
Four months. That’s long enough to know this is serious. They are not giving up. You must respect this, even as it destroys you.
Have you considered moving? Have you considered wax in the ears? Have you considered that perhaps you are witnessing the birth of a legendary Trombone-ist who could shake the very pillars of our collective understanding of music and that your suffering is, in a small way, historic?
— O.G.D. Patches